Chez Lynne

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Temporary Insanity

Well, it's finally happened...I've finally had my most serious bout with temporary insanity and signed up for a half marathon in Virginia Beach schedule for Labor Day weekend.

My good friend (and I'm beginning to think bad influence) talked me into it. I keep trying to tell myself that it's going to be fun and that it'll be worth the pain but those thoughts are often broken up by fits of panic about dehydration, overhydration, and not being able to finish in the maximum 4 hours. Yikes, I'd better. I don't want to be running/walking/crawling for 4 hours. But it sounds like we signed up for a good first 1/2 marathon. It's advertised as a flat course and they have rock bands set up every couple of miles so I'll get to hear music and won't get bored even when my friend leaves me in the dust when I collaspe at mile 5.

Okay, I might even be able to long as the race is devoid of the following things:

1. Dogs. I usually love dogs but I've always had trouble with dogs on my jogging routes (see this post)and this year has been no exception. I have recently lengthened my route to include a large black, wolf-looking doggie that looks like he could totally jump over the fence that encloses his yard. In fact whenever I run by he makes sure to lunge at me right when I'm least expecting it and then dangle his paws over the fence. I know he's thinking "you're lucky lady. I could get over this fence if I really wanted to but I already ate someone today. But next time you come around here you'd better hope you can make it home without a neck." And of course I still run past the demented poodles. Right now they're content with barking at me from their doilleyed couch but I know, one of these days, it won't be enough. Again, I repeat, these poodles look crafty and I'm pretty sure if they ever get ambitious enough to come outside the authorities won't ever find my body.

2. Rolled up newpapers. I trip over one at least once a week. I'm starting to think it's the same one that's stalking me and positioning itself right where it knows I'll step. There's one that is especially dangerous-it's been rained on, frozen, and baked in the sun for so long that it's hard as a brick and is now totally camoflagued into the grass. Luckily the last time I tripped on it I was on my 3rd mile so I wasn't going fast enough to actually fall and hurt myself but I'm's going to happen soon.

3. A Chipotle. 'Cause I can't friggin pass one of those places without stopping.

4. Hills. Hills are the devil. They defy space and time because it takes me twice the energy and time to get up one but it's actually half the distance. Sadly, I have about 5 hills the size of Everest on my route. The last one feels like it goes straight up.

5. Wind, heat, or severe cold. All three happened last week and I've decided I just can't take it. Tuesday it was such a warm afternoon and I couldn't tell that while in my apartment so I totally overdressed and had to strip while I ran. Then I just gave up and walked the rest of the way before I had heat stroke. Then Friday morning it was so cold that I couldn't feel ANYTHING except for the copius amounts of snot running out of my nose. I've resorted to carrying a handkerchief because the last time I carried mere Kleenexes they had been blown to bits the first half mile. And today, well today it was so windy I think people confused my attempt at excersice for a Marcel Marceau bit. Again, I had to give up early than usual because I wasn't actually running anywhere!

So as long as it's perfect weather and someone carries me I should be all set...


  • At 8:39 AM, Blogger Christine said…

    That sounds excellent! I'm most impressed by the multitude of high school cheerleaders they are going to have at the course. Your dedication to keep running through all that weather is really impressive! I'm such a wimp...

  • At 4:31 PM, Blogger guerilllagirrl said…

    I will NOT leave you behind. We will get through it together, and if not we'll quit together. The only time I'm a bad influence is when I whimp out of running with you and decided to go to starbucks.

  • At 6:38 PM, Blogger Kiddo78 said…

    Good for you! I'm too tired to even go to the gym tonight, let alone practice for a half marathon. Exercise for me too!

  • At 11:38 AM, Blogger hot babe said…

    Running is the devil's tool. Granted, with as much as I love Chipotle I feel that I should run a half marathon every day. I want Zak to take a picture of you as you cross the finish line. And then a picture of him handing you a caramel apple empanada.

  • At 8:41 PM, Blogger Colleen said…

    Wow Lynne, I'm impressed, jealous, and craving chipotle all at the same time. Mostly jealous. Cuz I do not have the knees to run nor the drive. Good luck with the marathon, gods speed (whatever that means and for whatever its worth) and may the wind be at your heels.


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